When you are not needed

We all fight with weaknesses derived from life scars or personality preferences. 

I love to be in the middle of the party where everything is happening.  I love when people count on me, and perhaps even feel a hint of pleasure when they need me!

This has a lot to do with my personality,  BUT we all know that  the "this is who I am, take it or leave it" mentality does not work in the Christian life or in the mission field. 

Due to my personality, people tend to come to me, to ask my opinion, just to hang out with me ... I love to have a good time and they do too!  

As the ministry has been developing, I have noticed the need to influence others and bring them along.  I have been diligent in finding people with whom I can spend extra time, pass on the knowhow and let them free to fly, ... and even go beyond ... 

God has been faithful in giving me this kind of women!  I have a special closer group of 2 ladies who participate in every aspect of my classes: from planning to inviting, from art work to sharing their faith.  It is amazing to count on their support.   

 Ministry can go on if I am not around.  Good, right?  Well, not always.  It is a bitter sweet experience. I am being totally transparent when I say it hurts when I am not needed. It hurts even when they are planning something not including me because I have been too busy.  They are being good friends and considerate, but it still hurts.  

God has been teaching me this lesson.  It is OK not to be needed.  That only means I have run the course and passed the baton to the next person. I played a role and it is done.  More and more God has been impressing on my heart that I should rejoice when I can walk out of the party, my absence unnoticed and rejoice that I had a part in bringing those people together.   I should rejoice walking out and knowing the party will go on, and just perhaps, the better part of it is still to happen. 

2 Timothy 2:2 

"and what you have heard from me through many witnesses entrust to faithful people who will be able to teach others as well."

A broken vessel

I have been struggling with low energy, low self-confidence and low desire to serve.  I have detected this, and recognized it from past experiences.  RED FLAG!!

Life's circumstances, family problems, attacks, personal conflicts ... all have a part in it. Yes, it does happen in the lives of missionaries as well!

I prayed, God will you fill me?  I am empty, I need to give and have nothing to give.  

Then, this morning a thought came to my mind:  what if I am at my "broken stage" ... what if there is something to be changed and God is using this time "to break me and make me again".  A broken vase cannot carry anything... 

That lead me to think that that are phases in life that we need to give ourselves some time.  Time to "rest" in Him, time to pick up the pieces, time to reinforce our trust in our Maker.  

So, here I am  ... waiting and resting in Him.  Life goes on, but my focus is in restoration and not pouring myself in others.  I must be whole again and then I will be ready to be filled and give what is freely given to me. 

I am broken, but I am not alone.  He is molding me and making me better for His service.  

My advice:  learn to hear your heart, and recognize the seasons of your life.  Saying "no" to some things does not mean being disobedient to Him.  It may mean to choose the best over the good; it may mean to give yourself time!

This reading blessed my heart this morning.  I hope you enjoy as well ... it is from this blog:   A Time to Laugh 

The Master's Vessel

The work belongs to Him

Getting back to Spain was an act of obedience. I guess as time goes by you realize many things you are missing away from home. Sharing my heart openly here ... Yes, I do doubt, I do lack in faith, I do have second thoughts ... hopefully someone there can relate to me! :)

Many things went through my mind: I am missing seeing my nephews and nieces group up, some of them getting married, birthday parties, family get-together, etc. Time will not go back ... I already missed many things and will not be able to make up for it ...

I have to say I was full of second thoughts. THEN, God spoke to me! ... in a way only He can do. He took me to the book of Jonah and his reluctance to go where he was supposed to go due to lack of faith and plain disobedience. God told me I was having a lot in common with Jonah ... enough said.

We came back, obedient to God´s message. Work here is hard and I had this thought in my mind. It is a bigger job that us. We will never be able to see fruit. We will get burnt out again working and working harder to see something happen.

Then I talked to Sonia ...

Sonia is a lady that came to Christ a little over a year ago. Right after arriving, still trying to feel excited about the "work I have to do", she called me. She was SO excited about us being back and said: "While you were away, I was afraid I would not know how to relate to God but the strangest thing happened: He started talking to me! He speaks to me through the circumstances, through the Bible ... it is incredible!"

Wow! So I am not the one "doing the work"! Yeah! I felt such a peace, this work is not on my shoulders, He is doing it and He is allowing me to see and rejoice on what He is accomplishing! I am trying to keep this thought very alive in my mind and heart. I cannot take control over things because He is in control, He is doing, He is the head and the active part of this work. I feel released and I am trying carefully to keep that perspective in front of me. It is so much easier to be doing rather than being.

May we all be able to find this place where there is rest for our souls, by the Good Shepherd, watching His work while enjoying fresh water and calmness.

Time in Oasis ..

We are just back from out STAS (State-side Assignment), time in which we rest, spend time with family, reconnect with churches and find opportunities for renewal.

I have to say it has been wonderful in each account. One of the most wonderful experiences took us to Goias, Brazil. I am originally from Brazil so part of our 6 months away was spent there.

We heard about a place called Oasis from my pastor in Brazil when we shared how tired and almost burnt out we were. We checked it out, signed up for it and went! We had plenty of time for praying, reading, interacting with others, listening to God, etc ...

God showed us so many things:

1) it is OK to be tired ... we just need to keep going to the fountain of renewal, back to the basics of faith. We are loved, we were uniquely created, we are like no one else, etc.

2) we are unique and created to a work that can only be done by us ... no need to compare ourselves ... we have our own place in this earth that no one can occupy.

3) the need to be at the feet of the Saviour ... go back to the first love back and back again ... it is vital that we stay there. Otherwise other values and worldly thoughts get on the way. We loose the perspective of God ... we start looking at circumstances through the lenses of sin, of our background, of our experiences.

4) God is in control. It is such a comforting thought to know that God can control the situation when you cannot evaluate, make plans or think properly. That is the way we felt and still we feel God worked His plan in us. There is peace in releasing the control to Him ...

Well, there is so much we learned during our time away ... God was so good to us listening to our "complaints", giving us time to understand and realize things, closing doors, opening doors, ... it is a cool place to be: in His Powerful Hands!

The most amazing thought is that OASIS can take place anytime, anywhere ... that is my prayer today ... that each one of us will be able to find our oasis with the Lord. Wonderful company!

If you live in Brazil you may be interested in this wonderful ministry to Christian workers:

http://ministeriooasis.spaces.live.com/

I Gave God My Life, But Not My Toothbrush

Someone sent this story to me. It is not my own experience but I see myself reflected in it! I often feel God's burden in my heart for the lost. I just want to do whatever it takes ... but when it comes down to small acts of service, I have an attitude. The story goes like this ...

"One morning during my quiet time, I had such a burning desire in my heart for God to use me. My heart was reaching out to God. I poured out my soul before his throne. “Oh, God.” I cried. “Use me to honor your name. Whatever the cost—prison, beatings, martyrdom—I want to serve you. Take my life today to use as you see fit. You are my King and I give myself to you.”

I shared this desire with others in our team. I felt so ready to lose anything for the kingdom.

Then we had a houseguest. . .again.

Elliot used to come to our house a lot. He had no money, no job, and no place to stay. I would get so tired of serving tea, reheating dinner when he came late, washing the extra pajamas and sheets, and rearranging our kids so he could have a place to sleep. I grew to have a very poor attitude in my service toward this brother. Soon he stopped coming.

Later I heard he was sleeping at the bus station and not eating regularly. Stricken with remorse, the next time he called, I asked him where he had been and invited him to come see us again. You see I had had my quiet time and I was ready to give up my life for the kingdom.

Then he used my toothbrush and left it bloody.

I was angry. It was my favorite toothbrush—though I hadn’t realized it till then! He was my husband’s friend—why didn’t he choose to use my husband’s toothbrush? I would have to go buy a new toothbrush. I knew I could never find another like it. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

“God—look what happens. I did this for you. I wanted to help this guy out and what does he do? He picks my toothbrush to use and get bloody. I can’t believe it! I have to buy a new toothbrush. I liked my toothbrush. God, it isn’t fair!”

Then I heard a still, small voice. “You offered me your life. You mentioned beatings, prison, and a willingness to be martyred. All I asked from you today is your toothbrush.”

At times, I get so grandiose in my thinking; anything for you, Lord; anywhere for you, Lord; anytime for you, Lord. When what God is looking for is my service to him in the here and now details of my life, the small things I have to give today.

It isn’t likely that I will ever be beaten, stay in prison or be a martyr. Maybe that is why I am so ready to give myself to God for these spectacular opportunities to serve (at least it sounds spectacular in a book written by someone who survives it all). What God wants from me is to be open day by day, minute by minute to serve him by giving him not only my life, but my toothbrush as well. "

Lord, help me to be faithful in sharing your vision, your desires and your passion for the world! But mostly, help me to be faithful to serve when nobody is looking, when nobody is noticing, when I have to be uncomfortable for the sake of others, when I have to give up precious time of resting to help my neighbour. I have to tell you, Lord, that these "interruptions" in my life are not always welcomed. BUT I trust in a God who is in the business of reshaping lives and changing behaviours. Help me, Lord, to be faithful in the small things.

If you are in the frontline, expect to get hurt ...

Being in the frontline put us in a vulnerable position. We might just get hurt …

My husband writes:“We met P and R while living in the north, several years ago. Mara met R thru her gym class and then P and I got introduced. We hit it off great, he wanted to improve his English so away we went ... the four of us got together on many separate occasions. And C and I got together several times a month, to talk English, play pool, jog together, etc. One time while at their place, the subject of life and death came up, and we had a brilliant opportunity to share the gospel, the hope of Christ, the certainty of salvation, etc. And on other occasions I was able to share with P, one to one…
This past Monday I called P, out of the blue more or less, as I hadn't spoken to him for a while. They had moved to M, at least for the short term. He had a close cousin who was tragically killed in a car accident in December, and that had spun him a terrible vortex of depression. … I had a great time chatting with P, upon hearing of his depression I told him that we would be praying for him, he said that they had run into a local believer from an evangelical church there in M, I encouraged him to go to one of their meetings, etc…¨

Isn´t what we do all the time? Look for opportunities to share… but do we know is time is in our side? I have news, time isn’t…
My husband continues:“I didn't know that two days later that he would suffer a fatal heart attack ... he wasn't much over 40 ... if even that ...”

We are left hoping all we shared came together in God´s timing … the fact that Dwight called him out of the blue … it makes us think that God was pursuing him during his last moments ….

We are hurting not only because we loved and appreciated him as a good friend, but because we are uncertain about his eternity. One day we will know.

Meanwhile, God is telling each one of us to preach time and time again, as we do know what tomorrow brings.

Becoming Strong in the Broken Places

Hello friends!

I have been thinking lately about my journey to where I am today. I still have lots to learn, lots to change, in short, God is not done with me. BUT, there are a few lessons I have learned in my walk with the Lord.

In many occasions I found myself very close to God, but in others, unfurtunatly, I was far from God. The funny thing is that all during those trials, I was always serving God. People with whom I worked never noticed my spiritual status.

When you are a Christian for a while you learn to say the right words and do the right things before other people, no matter how you feel. But when you are alone in your room with closed doors, there is where your real "you" emerges.

I do not think God is waiting for those moments with us to make us feel terrible and demand a change. I believe he is hopeful for the right attitute in our hearts. He undestands our weakness and wants to make us strong. If we just could cross our pried and open up so He could work one of His miracles!

I write from my heart and to myself that some seasons in our life won't be easy. Even when you are in the center of God's will, doing His work, serving the people ... still, problems will arise. Then, what does God want from me?

I think he wants an attitude of surrender, trust and willingness to learn a new lesson. I am not there yet!! I still complain, get mad at Him, cry in desperation, etc. But He is patient and will wait until we calm down and surrender ourserves totally to His working hands in our lives.

I read this the other day and spoke to me personally. I would like to share with you:

"To become strong in the broken plances in our lives demands that we do two things, seeming opposites: hang in there, and let go. To somehow dig up the courage to keep going is the very courage that allows us to scoop up broken pieces of our lives and lay them all at the feet of the One who would do more in us than just get us through the storm. As James Means said, he would take the fire that blackens our horizons and warm our sould with it. He would sharpen our vision in the darkness that oppresses us. He would use the despair of standing at a grave to deepen our trust. This we cannot do for ourselves.
Perhaps because our brokenness brings us to the end of ourselves, it is here, in these jars of clay that we offer up to his very special grace, that God's all-surpassing power is make known and he, indeed, makes us strong in our broken places. "
By Verdell Davis
Riches Stored in Secret Places

I will leave these verses with you:

"My heart is steadfast, Oh God, my heart is steadfast, I will sing and give praise."Psalm 57:7

"And He said to me: 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

God bless you today! -- Mara

Finding Good in the Ordinary

Many times in the past, as we worked as a family to bring people closer to God, I felt overwhelmed.

I felt much was expected of me. I realized later that much of that expectation came from myself. I always had big plans to do this or that ... much came to be thanks to sleepless nights and stressfull family times.

One of the things that I used to find very annoying were the interruptions. I had plans and "these people" did not let me do them. They kept interrupting me. Didn't they realize I was trying to serve them? :)

I read the illustration below the other day, during my devotional. It illustrates it very well.

FINDING HOLINESS IN THE ORDINARY

Henry Nouwen, in his book Out of Solitude, tells of an old Notre Dame professor who had always complained that his work was constantly being interrupted. Like so many of us, he longed for the freedom to concentrate fully on what he considered important. Late in his life, however, the professor came to realize what he wished he had knwon all along:

the the interruptions were his work ...

The interruptions are the work. The pieces are the whole. We cannot wait for a total, personal revelation of all that God has for us to be handed down in one lump sum. God reveals Himself to us bit by spiritual bit. Even our broadest visions and our highest goals, once we know them, must be broken down and lived out in the small particulars of our everyday lives if they are to have meaning.

By Claire Cloninger

When God Sines Through

Boy, isn't this a good message? I felt liberated after reading this a few years ago and rereading it just the other day. God wants us and our time belongs to Him. It would be so much easier if we handled all to him every morning and let Him use it. I am speaking to myself here.

Work for Him is good but only under the guidance of His Holy Spirit we will know when to start, when to finish and when to welcome the interruptions as they might be the most important task of the day.

"In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this of that, or whether both alike will be good.

Eclesiates 11:6

A Broken Heart

Just lately, it seems that G. has brought many poeple on my way that have had very difficult situations in their lives.

We, as a family, are making an effort to get to know people in our circles of influence. For an extrovert, such as me, meeting people is fun! Getting to know their hobbies, what we have in commun, their backgrounds, etc ...

But not all is fun ... knowing people and actually showing you care means getting involved in their struggles, problems and many times to be heart broken over what they are going through!

I find myself experiencing this lately. One friend I met has breast cancer on her early 30's, one lost her husband on a contruction accident and the other on a traffic accident. Both are under 50!

I have been so sad knowing of their life struggles. I pray for oportunities to share about what matter to me the most but the HS will have to do His job first. They will have many questions about G. and how He relates to what is going on on their lives. It is a tough job but it is not my job, He has healed many and is ready to heal an open heart.

My p. is that one day, they will experience the freedom in C. I pray for you too, that is reading this blog post and is going through a similar circunstance. He will carry you through as you share their burden and love "them" into the Kingdom.